you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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