so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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