I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
