Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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