I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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