hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
