I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
