3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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