I'm gonna have a badass scar
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also, beer. Big fan.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
