In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
