So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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