Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
