This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
only if we run a train.
done.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
