Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
