Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
