I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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