just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
BRING THE BAGELS
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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