I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
