before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
