you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
