I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
