she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
