I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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