I wannas sexs uuuuu
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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