just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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