super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
