Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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