Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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