Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
