whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
