just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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