he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
