you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
