You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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