Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
