i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
