i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
