wanna go halves on a baby?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
