when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
