Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
