you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
