I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
