so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
