Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
