it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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