You can't motorboat a personality
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
