So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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