If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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