chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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