I just pynch a tree in the face
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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