It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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