At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
