His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
