I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
