he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is Oprah even human
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
