im six kinds of drunk right now
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Houston, we have a squirter
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
