yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
3 2 1 whiskey
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
